


Claire

by WildKitte



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Major Original Character(s), Pets, cas loves dogs, everyone loves dogs - except dean, i love dogs, major character death (not dean or cas)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-27 22:58:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildKitte/pseuds/WildKitte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a story about a dog and her humans.<br/>Claire (the dog) brought a lot of happiness and comfort in Cas' (her human's) life even before she kind of introduced Cas to the love of his life, Dean. Their simple yet happy life seemed to last forever but unfortunately all things must come to an end.</p><p>
  <i>One day it hit him, hit him hard in the forehead with a hammer, woke him up and Cas knew he had fallen.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Claire loves Cas and Cas loves Claire and the person invading their home. What could possibly go wrong.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Claire

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a short, slice of life-drabble that eventually grew into a monstrous oneshot and I don't think I have ever written anything this big that I actually have FINISHED. This piece of work took me about two weeks (I'm a lazy writer) and seven albums from various artists and bands and about 30 liters of coffee.  
> I got an idea of Cas having a dog and Dean not approving dogs. I have an obsession with Dean "disliking" dogs and these ideas might turn into a series, some day.  
> Because I am unable to write happy fics, the ending happened.
> 
> Un-beta'd (because BOTH of my betas forgot to read this, thank you very much) but I have tried to re-read and re-write this several times due to funny grammar and other mistakes (if there still reads that "Claire wags her hand", please tell me, it's supposed to be "wag her tail" jfc).

So get this.

 

Her name is Claire and she is an old Golden Retriever, half-deaf and a very happy dog living together with her human, Cas. They live in a small apartment with a kitchen, living room, bathroom with a bath tub, bedroom and Cas' office. The apartment is messy and cozy and Claire loves to sleep on the couch even though it is kind of forbidden but usually Cas doesn't remember to call her off so she sleeps on there anyway. In the evening, when Cas comes back home, she welcomes him jumping up and down and then they both sit on the sofa and watch TV, Claire's head resting on Cas' lap.

 

Cas got Claire two years ago from an old lady.

Cas used to visit the old lady and help her out and when the old lady had to go to rest home she gave Claire to him. The old lady had had Claire since she was a puppy and they had grown very attached to each other. She had bought Claire after her husband died and her children couldn't take the dog since the grandchildren were allergic. And Cas didn't complain, not at all. Of course, the food cost a good fortune along with the visits to the vet but Cas used to say people who brought it up, that Claire paid the expenses back with her company. They had good time together and they enjoyed spending time with each other.

 

They like to go on a walk together.

Claire is an old dog so she can't walk long but luckily her human is a patient man so she can sit down on the ground and snuffle the air and all the different, interesting scents she's too tired to chase after, occasionally bark lazily to other dogs even though Cas doesn't like that but in Claire's opinion it's important to let other dogs know that Cas is her human and territory, don't come closer.

Their favorite place is the park nearby. It's a big park, with green grass-fields and trees and a big lake and whenever Cas has a day off they spend hours walking there and the park workers are in first-name-basis with them. Sometimes Claire is very energetic and she chases squirrels and ducks and pretends to be entirely deaf when Cas calls her name. She's too slow to catch either but she enjoys it more than she should and the park workers tell Cas to calm down and laugh it off. And so he usually does.

 

Sometimes Claire's human is sad.

He stares out of the window or the crumbly texture of the ceiling with numb eyes and sighs and sometimes he cries. Claire doesn't know what makes her human so sad and hates it so she does everything to comfort him. She climbs next to Cas and paws a little nest in the mattress on Cas' bed and drops her head on Cas' chest, her tail tapping the mattress when she wags it to make her human happy. And usually it works, Cas smiles and strokes her head and they fall asleep together.

Sometimes it doesn't work and it confuses Claire very much. But no can do, and she does her best. Sometimes it just isn't enough.

 

But Cas loves Claire and Claire loves Cas. All is well.

 

*

 

Cas has a bicycle and he cycles to work whatever the weather is.

He uses public transit whenever it's possible and he doesn't fly anywhere because he's afraid of falling and airplanes leave a huge carbon footprint and he's worried about the climate change. He recycles and when asked, he laughs that Claire has nothing against it. People then look at him with knitted brows and sigh.

He doesn't go to the gym but he exercises and jogs and goes to long walks without Claire and observes stars for hours on his own. He knows a lot about animals and stars and space and flowers and insects. He's into these kind of things and he's seriously concerned about the disappearance of the bees and poaching of the sharks. He keeps his concerns to himself and when he's too anxious about it, he talks to Claire.

 

Usually Cas and Claire spend their evenings alone, just the two of them, and watch TV. Sometimes Cas cooks a dinner for himself and lights a candle like he's celebrating something. Cas makes always too much food and gives the rest to Claire. He doesn't use spices or salt much because it's bad for dogs but the food is delicious and Cas is definitely a good cook. He doesn't cook often, though, since he has to keep Claire fit.

Cas goes to grocery store twice a week and buys different organic products and dog food. No sweets, except chocolate on Friday and two packs of coffee just in case someone drops by. Vegetables, fruits, berries, juice, milk, occasionally alcohol. Whenever Anna comes over, she brings big bags of bread she has made just for Cas so it's not needed. Fish and hamburgers, loaf of meat and carrots, he picks his groceries quickly, pays and leaves but remembers to greet the salesman.

 

Balty is a regular guest and when he comes over, he pets Claire and plays with her and cuts her claws because Cas can't do it. Balty is the nice friend of Cas' and they watch movies together and make food and when he's around, the wrinkles on Cas' forehead disappear and he smiles almost whole-heartedly. Balthazar looks at Cas with concern in his eyes when he thinks no one can see it and words almost roll from his tongue in the air but  _almost_  and Claire doesn't understand why it's so hard for humans to say what they really think. But Balty keeps his mouth shut and when Cas turns to him, he flashes a smile and pretends.

Castiel doesn't show it but he actually likes Gabriel. Yes, he's rude and nosy and he has no difficulties to speak his mind and what's best, he brings sweets (like cookies and such) for Claire. Cas doesn't like that, though, it ruins her teeth and her breath smells like dental calculus for  _days_.

 

” _What are you doing here, Gabriel”_  and ” _don't feed Claire”_  and ” _could you please leave?”_  Then Gabe: ” _Hello, Cas”_  and ” _you look terrible”_ and ” _hello Claire”_  and ” _I'm not leaving until you make me food and we discuss a bit”_ and ” _it's time you get a life.”_  And then Gabriel makes Cas sit down and talks to him and then Cas spits something back and then they shout (so loud that even Claire can hear it) and Gabe leaves. Then Cas calls him and they talk for three hours.

 

Gabriel is the nice brother.

And Samandriel, he takes care of Claire when Cas isn't home and Claire finds it confusing that some people call him Alfie (with no apparent pattern or reason).

 

Usually it's just the two of them, Claire and Cas, and they watch TV and Cas brushes Claire's fur and Claire tries to sit on Cas' lap but she's way too big and heavy to sit there so she lies on Cas' feet and they both fall asleep on the sofa, TV-screen flashing blue light in the dark living room.

 

Still, Cas loves Claire and Claire loves Cas. All is well.

 

*

 

”Is that dog yours?”

Cas opens his eyes and the stranger stands in front of him and the sunbeams create a halo on his head and Cas has to blink few times before the sight settles in front of him. Young man, around his age, green eyes, dark blond hair, freckles, long lashes –  _stop, you're not going to write a novel about him_  – staring him and pointing somewhere away where Claire apparently does something forbidden.

Cas stands up quickly, abandoning the warmth of the grass and searches Claire and there – in the lake, of course, swimming and spattering water on young children who scream and laugh in joy.

”Yes, that is –  _Claire!_ ” Of course the dog pretends to be deaf again and because the young man is still staring at him, Cas explains: ”She's old, half-deaf, selective hearing and such – I'm sorry, she usually behaves well...”

”No, it's alright”, the stranger laughs and waves it off. ”I was just curious.”

Cas doesn't blink.

”Oh.”

”My name is Dean”, Dean offers his hand and Cas grabs it lightly. ”Dean Winchester. I'm the baby sitter of that little girl over there.”

”Cas. Uh, Castiel Novak.” He lets go of Dean's hand and he's  _speechless_ , as anyone would be when a beautiful person approaches them, and embarrassed. ”So the dog is fine?”

”Yep, totally.” A smile climbs on Dean's face when he talks and it's just as pretty as the rest of him. ”Mary  _loves_  dogs.”

 

Dean Winchester is a curious case.

Dean has a good job and enough money, nice co-workers, debt free apartment and gift token to the gym. His little brother is a lawyer, a  _good_  lawyer, and has lovely wife and a cute daughter named Mary (named after their deceased mother) and Dean is lucky to live in the same town as his brother so he can take Mary to the park whenever they have time and they have. Mary is a lovely kid with golden locks and blue eyes and her voice soft and bright and she's as happy as a loved kid can be and Dean loves his niece to bits; Mary knows this and shamelessly uses it for her own good. Dean doesn't mind. As long as the princess is happy. Not spoiled, happy.

 

He lives near Claire and Cas' favorite park and jogs in the track around the lake before he goes to work at the police station and when he comes home, he sits restlessly on the sofa of his small apartment, stands up and sits down again and when it's six o'clock he goes to the park and Cas and Claire are already there and he pretends to be surprised seeing them.

On Tuesday and Thursday evenings he goes to play football or tennis with his friend Victor and on every other weekend he visits Bobby, his friend and practically a stepfather. Dean's favorite bar, Harvelle's, lies nearby and Jo, Ash and Ellen, in this order, are happy to see him drop by sometimes. He watches horror movies with Sam, his aforementioned brother, and he goes on adventures with Benny, he visits his ex-girlfriend Lisa and her son Ben just to see they're alright. Sometimes Gabriel drops by and whines about his family and Dean pretends to dislike him, but secretly Gabe is one of his favorite guests.

 

Dean has lots of people.

He has lots of people and usually he sits alone in his apartment and stares at the empty bottle in his hand and  _thinks_. About stuff. Life, future. Then he throws the bottle away and takes another from the refrigerator. Sometimes Sam is there as well and looks at the empty bottles in the trashcan and frowns but doesn't say anything because Dean will just laugh it off. He has never recycled anyway, it doesn't fit him.

 

Dean doesn't tell this straight out to Cas but Cas concludes a whole lot about his life from the little hints he gives and Claire lays between them with her eyes closed and Dean and Cas are so absorbed by their conversation that when Claire suddenly barks and wakes up to her own voice, they both startle and burst out to laughter.

 

When Cas and Claire return from the park, Cas is in good mood and he cooks for them something meaty and delicious and he lights a candle like he's celebrating something and then they lie on the couch and watch TV and Cas talks to Claire.

” _Dean is a nice person, isn't he, Claire? He really knows how to handle kids – but I think he doesn't care about animals that much. Dean likes you, though. Isn't that nice?”_

Of course Claire doesn't understand anything but she likes the tone of her human's voice and she grunts and sighs to tell she agrees with her human.

 

And Cas loves Claire and Claire loves Cas. All is well.

 

*

 

Then Dean comes over.

They have planned it for few weeks but they never find the time – Dean is babysitting, Dean is on a hunting trip with Sam and Bobby, Dean has already promised to Benny,  _I'm really sorry_  and  _we have to figure something out_. And then, suddenly, time is on their side and they arrange a visit.

Claire is sensing the nervousness in Cas and becomes nervous, howls and barks constantly and Cas loses his temper and shouts to Claire in an angry tone and they both startle. Then Cas apologizes (which is useless since Claire doesn't speak human that fluently) but Claire understands and wags her tail and barks again, as if she tries to say something (and Cas knows it's silly because dogs can't talk).

 

It's time.

Cas has cooked a dinner for them, simple, meaty lasagna and Claire had to be barred to the bedroom (she was way too interested in what Cas was making and tried to constantly steal food). When Dean arrives, the lasagna is already waiting and cooling down a bit. Cas opens a bottle of wine, pours it to his best glasses and apologizes for the simple food and Dean is just amazed that lasagna this delicious can be just ” _simple and quick, I couldn't figure anything else to make_ ”.

They eat and talk about things, job and family and Mary and Claire. They're surprised to find out that they both know Gabriel and then they bitch about Gabe a bit and end up to the conclusion that he is inevitable but annoying.

 

Claire reminds of her existence by scratching the bedroom door and growling and barking impatiently. Dean looks baffled.

”Is that Claire?”

Cas blushes and stands up.

”I forgot her to the bedroom!”

”...Bedroom?”

”She tried to steal food. So I barred her there. I – I forgot about her.”

Dean stares at him blatantly for few seconds and bursts out laughing. Cas, about to apologize, opens his mouth but closes it then and smiles fondly. And then they laugh at Claire and Cas goes and releases Claire from her temporary prison.

 

”You're the worst dog owner  _ever_.”

”No, I was planning to set her free.”

”Yes, but you forgot.”

”I did. That happens, Dean. No one's perfect.”

Dean is about to say something but smiles instead and shakes his head.

”And she got out anyway and is perfectly happy now.”

”Despite her terrible neglect.”

”Okay,  _enough_  of this incident.”

But Cas is smiling as well.

 

They eat, they talk, Dean goes home and Cas falls asleep quickly.

Suddenly their visits become a weekly routine and before they notice, Dean and Cas have settled into a happy-go-lucky lifestyle and when Dean's behind the door, Claire notices how Cas starts smiling before opening the door and she wags her tail because her human can't.

And it's sweet and perfect as it is.

 

So when the circumstances change, it's odd and sudden, uncomfortable and unease.

 

But Cas loves Claire and Claire loves Cas. All is, for now, well.

 

*

 

Dogs don't show pain.

Cas knows this because he likes animals and has made his research about dogs when he got Claire. She is old, she's not going to live forever and Cas wants to know when it's time to let go, it won't be so sudden then. But because dogs don't show pain he can never be prepared enough.

It starts with sleeping. Claire doesn't want to go to the park and when they finally get there, she just lies in the grass and sleeps under a tree to avoid the burning and too bright sunlight. Cas calls her, he has brought a ball and he's planned to play with Claire, but Claire just raises her head lazily and wags her tail, then drops her head back to the grass and wallows. Castiel frowns but forgets it, then. Sometimes Claire just doesn't want to play, she's an old lady anyway. Nothing serious.

 

But then she starts sleeping  _a lot_. Claire just puffs and sighs and ignores Cas' requests to go out. She sleeps in the morning on Cas' bed (and it's kinda forbidden as well but she's old and Cas just can't say no) and takes her mid-day nap on the couch, in the afternoon she sleeps under the window and sunbeams warm her up, in the evening she's on the couch again, and Dean notes that dogs really shouldn't sleep on the couch. Cas shrugs and is slightly annoyed but keeps it to himself because he's worried about this sudden change of Claire's condition.

Cas is not sure if it's Dean's business as well but Balthazar is worried and tells him to take Claire to the vet as soon as possible. Cas agrees but he never seems to find the time.

 

”She's been tired lately”, Cas then says one evening to Dean when he scratches Claire behind the ear and Dean turns to him, alerted, concerned.

”Tired?”

”She sleeps most of the time.” They both watch Claire nap beside Dean who smooths her golden fur. ”But she's old. Maybe it's normal.”

”Yeah. Maybe.” Dean taps Cas' knee and smiles. ”Don't you worry. She'll be fine, I promise.”

Cas startles and clenches his fists on his lap and forces a smile.

”Thanks.”

 

Dean isn't a dog person. No, he has nothing against them, they're very nice pets and very loyal and such and he takes care of Claire as if she were his own. But he isn't a dog person. Cas notices this when Claire accepts Dean as a part of her pack – Dean's opinions and Cas' habits with Claire don't always meet in the middle. Dean has made very clear he doesn't like the idea of dogs sleeping or sitting on furniture, couch or bed or armchair, and Cas is too lazy to call Claire off since she won't obey anyway. They never argue or fight about it because Claire is Cas' dog and technically Dean isn't in any position to decide how to train the dog. So it's okay.

What really bothers Cas is that Claire sees Dean as a part of the family.

 

Cas can't say when it started, maybe around the time Dean came over for the first time. Maybe it was Dean's partially extrovert disposition how he fell right into place in Cas and Claire's little, simple life. Cas got home from work an hour earlier than Dean and he made some coffee  _just in case_  Dean would show up behind his door – and he usually did. Occasionally they went bowling and when Dean found out that Cas, as a matter of fact,  _had_ actually hunted actual living animals, he sometimes took Cas hunting with the Winchesters (well, only Sam and Dean were Winchesters but as Bobby reminded them, ” _Family don't end up with blood, boys_ ”). Dean, in turn, met Balty and after getting to know each other a bit they decided to like each other – Dean knew Alfie as well; his half brother Adam was a friend of Samandriel's so they had seen few times before.

Sooner or later Cas noted that Dean  _really_ knew awfully lot of people.

”I'm a cop”, Dean explained (a fact that was very meaningful in itself) and suddenly Cas realized how his big brother and Dean had met for the first time.

 

Dean drops by one rainy evening, soaking wet and smiling.

”Dean! You're...  _wet_ ”, Cas states the obvious, investigating every water dripping part of Dean's.

”Yeah, I'm moist everywhere and not in the sexy way”, he's joking but Cas blushes. ”Are you going to leave me out here?”

”Oh, sorry, come in.” Dean walks past him and looks around, his leather jacket finds its place right next to Cas' weary trench coat and because Cas' character is that kind of Canadian, he takes his shoes off as well. Cas stands still, keeping the door ajar, lost in his thoughts, staring Dean's jacket blatantly as its owner makes himself home in Cas' small apartment.

”Geez, I really need a shower! Do you mind if I-?” Dean is suddenly looking at Cas and he feels suddenly exposed, a person invading _his_  home like that. No, it's  _theirs_  now. Has been since Dean first walked through the door. Cas' hands are shaking.

 

”Uh, sorry, I was lost in my thoughts. Go ahead, you know where the towels are.” It's very important to be polite despite the anxiety swelling in your chest.

”Um... Can I borrow your clothes?”

_Ahaha. Haha. Right. Here we go._

Cas' face drops from the polite not-smiling-but-face to honestly-terrified-of-these-thoughts-of-you-wearing-my-clothes.

”Yeah. I'll find something.” And he forgets to smile.

 

Meanwhile Dean is taking a shower, Cas can't sit anywhere and ends up staring the dining table intense. Claire is taking another nap on the couch and sneezes in her sleep.

 

Claire's condition goes worse day by day.

When she and Cas and Dean are walking in the park, she suddenly sits down and heaves. Cas stops, he suddenly realizes Claire isn't with them anymore and when he turns around, she looks him with her brown eyes and she's so  _tired_ , and when Cas, half-running, approaches her she hardly wags her tail.

Claire walks slower and doesn't chase the ducks anymore and even though it's good news for the poor birds, it makes Cas and Dean worried. When Mary plays with her toys, Claire paws next to her and drops down next to her and hardly moves anywhere. After their daily walks she has to lie down for half an hour before she accompanies Cas in his chores (and she's a natural talent in household chores, she's very good at sitting down and observing what Cas is doing.)

 

”I'm a bit worried about your dog.”

Cas looks at Dean and he seems to be honestly concerned. Claire had suddenly decided to quit their walk by suddenly falling to her side and Dean had to carry her home.

”Me too”, Cas sighs and glances the sleeping dog, on the couch as usual. He tilts his head and Dean swallows, still looking at Cas and then, carefully drops his hand to Cas' shoulder.

”You have to take her to the vet.”

Cas is still looking at Claire but he leans in, closer to Dean.

”Yeah.” He's been awfully quiet since they carried Claire in and he hasn't touched the coffee Dean has made him. His palms are sweating and it's not just Claire who's making him feel nauseous.

 

The feeling had grown over the days and weeks and months they had spent together. How their moves fell in sync so easily and how simple it was to talk about weather or the meaning of life in general, when Dean called him every day just because he wanted to talk to Cas or  _hear his voice_  as he so often said, how Dean's poor jokes made something in his gut warm up and when he got that little promotion Cas was as happy as if it had happened to himself. How Dean could wash the dishes in his apartment and put them in their right place without hesitation.

One day it hit him, hit him hard in the forehead with a hammer, woke him up and Cas knew he had fallen.

 

Claire loves Cas and Cas loves Claire and the person invading their home. What could possibly go wrong.

 

*

 

When Cas returns from the vet's office, Dean puts his magazine away and stands up.

”What did they say?”

”She'll be fine, but they will keep her overnight.”

”Right? There, you see now? Relax.”

”Dean, I - ”

”No, we go home now - ”

”Dean.”

” - and you take a long shower and - ”

”Dean.”

Dean finally shuts up and Cas is looking at him, with his too-blue eyes, staring right into his soul like he always does.

”I love you.”

Announced in the white hallway of an animal hospital where Claire is being hospitalized and there's no one but the two of them standing under the pale light of fluorescent lamps. Cas could swear that Dean doesn't blink for an eternity, then his face flushes scarlet and he leaves without saying a word.

Cas doesn't even bother to run after his best friend.

 

Suddenly Claire started heaving more and more, like she was hyperventilating or choking to something and went absolutely flabby and then she stopped moving. Cas called Balty, who lived in the neighborhood, to drive them to animal hospital and when the vet and veterinary nurses took Claire away he called to Dean, almost crying. And Dean drove like crazy to Cas, ” _I almost drove a car crash_ ”, and then they sat down.

And waited. And waited. And waited.

Dean had to grab Cas from the shoulder and sit him down after he had walked in circles for 28 rounds. Then he brought Cas coffee, asked if he was fine every third minute and if he was sure he really didn't need anything else and that he should relax, Claire would be  _just fine_.

”It's not your dog who's in that room!” Cas finally shouted at him, annoyed and worried to the edge of entire breakdown, tears in his eyes. Dean startled and the hand he was about to lay on Cas' shoulder dropped back to his side. Cas never shouted, hardly raised his voice to other people – his nerves were cracking, the concern was taking over and suddenly he looked so old and tired, not as much as Claire but close enough and Dean's idiotic brain noted that  _dogs and their owners do resemble each other_.

 

And Dean isn't stupid. He might not read people as well as his brother does (and Sam is a natural talent in that) and he'll never reach the deep understanding Cas has on other people. But he's not stupid. Because he knows Cas. He knows that not only Cas is afraid of losing Claire but also scared of being left alone. Cas is the most selfless human Dean knows so he would never admit the latter thought to himself.

”Cas. Calm down. She'll be alright, I promise.” Cas sighed and he was going to disagree but Dean didn't let him. ”I'll be here. For you. I'm your friend, right?”

Cas didn't smile and swallowed, looking away.

 

*

 

” _You have to confess, Cas. You're not gonna lose anything, I think quite the contrary. Our boy Dean-o has made quite clear what he wants with you, brother. He's just too dumb to say it aloud.”_ Gabriel sounded like he was grinning like an idiot and was highly possible that Samandriel was with him, to judge by the noises he made to get his phone from Gabriel.

”Give the phone back to Samandriel, Gabriel.”

” _Oh no, now you're avoiding the subject. So, when are you going to confess?_ ”

”I'm not going to discuss about this with you.”

” _Well you wouldn't_ have to  _if you did something about it!_ ”

” _-mme the phone!_ ”

” _When I'm done with Cas! Now listen to me, brother. It's all about_ timing _. Besides, what could go wrong?_ ”

”I could write down a list for you.”

Cas heard aggressive wrestling from the other end. Finally Samandriel seemed to win his phone over.

” _Ugh, I'm sorry Cas,_ lemme go _, but I agree with Gabe. Hey - !_ ”

The line went dead. Cas wasn't sure if he had ever mentioned Dean to him.

 

*

 

Then, suddenly, Dean is back.

”If they're going to keep her overnight, it's all the same if you come home.” His facegame is brilliant as usual, it's like Cas didn't say anything at all and Cas is grateful. Better this way, actually, now that he thinks about it.

Cas nods and follows Dean out.

 

Dean's beautiful, black, '67 Chevy Impala waits them in the parking lot. Cas hasn't said anything about carbon footprint it certainly leaves because he's absolutely in love with the car, almost as much as with its owner and the times he has sat in that car, twice in the back (when Sam was riding the shotgun) and usually in Sam's place, made him  _understand_.

”She was my Dad's”, Dean confessed the other night. It was hard to believe. Every inch of the car screamed Dean's intense care and presence, every ounce was taken care with love and the fond nickname she had,  _baby_ , made Cas shudder. To love like that, even though she was ”just a car”, was something Dean was good at. More that  _good_ , he was born to take care, like he practically raised Sammy, like he took Cas under his protection, like he washed and fixed and waxed his car.

 

Dean keeps the door open for Cas and shuts it after him, then walks to other side and climbs in and doesn't start the car. They sit quietly as the sky darkens minute by minute, no rush, they have all the time and Cas is afraid that now is the time for a  _sorry but_ -talk. Not that he is surprised. He kind of saw this coming. He coughs awkwardly and clenches his jaw.  _I am not disappointed._

For a moment it seems like Dean has prepared a speech. He's about to start but can't, he looks so pretty and confused with his stupid freckles and long lashes and stupid green eyes. Cas has been watching him for a long time and he knows every stupid detail of him and every stupid pattern of his and the feeling hits him hard in the gut, that he's this  _hopelessly, recklessly and totally in love_. How childish.

”I, uh...” Dean starts then, his voice is trembling just a bit and it's just right kind of adorable. But no. He can't go on, he swallows and leans back to the seat.

Silence deepens between them. Cas isn't sure where this is going.

 

”No I can't say it”, Dean puffs then and drops his head. ”It would be just easier to kiss you so I wouldn't have to go all chick-flick on you. Can I?”

Cas is lucky he can't see himself; he can't feel his face anymore but he's probably blushing and his heart is beating fast and loud so he's not worrying about his appearance.

_Dean wants what._

Dean is smiling, laughing under his breath, so proud of himself that he handled the ticklish and awkward moment  _perfectly_  and won the situation over. That smug bastard.

”Okay”, Cas answers, it doesn't seem like grown men talking but mere teenagers. And their first kiss is just that right kind of awkward, sloppy and stolen quickly in a darkening parking lot. They have time for proper kisses and further exploring when Dean starts the car and they go to his place.

 

Her name is Amelia and she is a young, beautiful woman and an excellent vet, on the top of everything. Her hands are soft and her voice is pleasant to listen to and Claire has absolutely fallen in love with the vet, she wriggles around her, begging some scratching and petting. Amelia tells that the nurses have combed her fur and it's healthy and shiny, they have cut her claws and that Claire is one of the most wonderful old ladies she has ever treated.

”Claire is old”, Amelia starts and Cas bites his tongue before he can say  _I've noticed_  or anything silly like that. ”That means her body is old as well. And it starts having little diseases and illnesses now and then. She has a heart disease, her heart has expanded. That caused her a heart attack and now I've written her cardiacs.” Then she smiles to Cas' concerned face, she has dealt with worried pet owners as long as she has been a vet and she never stops marveling how much people love their animals like children (though sadly, people can be equally cruel to animals as well). ”No need to worry. Just give her the medicine every morning and she'll be just fine.”

 

When Claire returns from the hospital, she has to start sleeping in the living room.

 

So Claire loves Cas and Cas loves Claire and the person invading his bed. All is well.

 

*

 

They decide to move into a bigger apartment. Cas' apartment is just too small for the three of them and Dean's is too, so they start searching for a home for the three of them. They have two problems: money and Claire.

Money is a bigger problem because even though they both have alright jobs and they're wealthy enough, there's  _no way_  they can get a bigger apartment without taking a loan. Sam has promised to help them with the house-hunt but Dean refuses to accept money from him. He doesn't know Sam smuggles them money through Cas and Cas isn't that good at saying no.

Claire is the second problem. There are places where dogs just aren't welcome and even though Cas can't understand how anyone could be bothered as good and kind and quiet dog as Claire, Dean tells him to calm down and look for another apartment (but he's laughing, Cas is just adorable when he gets protective).

 

One day they find  _the one_. It's a nice, wide apartment and it's located near the hospital and isn't that far from their park either; and it's  _cheap_. They take a small loan, buy the apartment and move in and quickly they note that the place needs sorely some fixing (which explains the price). Benny agrees to help them with the apartment and with his and Bobby's help they get the apartment ready sooner than planned.

They're painting the walls and Cas is working in their bedroom and Dean in the office, Cas suddenly hears how something clashes and Dean swears loudly. Then a laugh escapes from Dean, a small  _ahahaha_ , and soon almost hysteric laughter echoes in the apartment. Cas smiles, listens to the noise for few minutes and finally his curiosity wins over and he goes to check on his loud boyfriend.

What he is not expecting is Claire's head in yellow paint all over her face and Dean is laughing so hard that he's practically crying.

 

Now that they live together, the three of them, Dean doesn't mind that Claire occasionally sleeps on the couch or that  _perhaps_  dog isn't supposed to beg food from the table but it takes patient, long-term training before he finally obeys Cas to  _not to feed the dog from table_. When Dean comes home, always an hour later than Cas, he first kisses Cas for a  _hello_  and then he crouches to muzzle Claire's golden fur and Claire closes her eyes and enjoys the rough petting with all her heart and if Cas didn't know better he'd say she's laughing.

She takes her cardiac obediently in the morning and doesn't hide the pill under her tongue and spit it out when no one's watching anymore. Claire is suddenly passionate about green apples and Cas brings big bags of apples for her whenever they buy groceries (still twice a week) with Dean. When Dean gets concerned about Claire's new favorite food, Sam laughs that apples are in no way harmful to dogs. He's also teasing Dean for becoming a ” _soft, warmhearted animal lover_ ” and Dean tells him to shut up and warns him about premature baldness.

 

However, Sam, Mary and Jess (Sam's beautiful wife who might be the kindest person Cas knows) come over quite often and it takes some time for Dean and Cas to realize that they're doing stuff as  _couples_  and as a  _family_  and when they finally do, Dean is so happy that he shoves Claire to the bathroom and then Cas to bedroom and it takes a while before Claire is set free. This happens after they have spent the Halloween together and Sam and Jess have taken their sleeping daughter back home.

 

The positive energy Claire creates in their life is infinite.

Dean, who doesn't show his affection for Claire in public, has taken a habit of doing it  _secretly_. Well, since the apples hopefully don't multiply and disappear by themselves and absence of the cheese in the refrigerator most likely has nothing to do with a poltergeist, it's not that secret but Cas knows that Dean has to keep his pride at any cost, so he doesn't say anything. And it's, again, just right kind of adorable and spoiling Claire with apples and cheese isn't a crime anyway.

They have a little garden in the backyard and Cas likes to take care of the plants, since he's a nature lover and all that hippie stuff (quoting Dean). And Claire is a great help in the subject; nothing and no one can root the flowerbed as loose and fluffy and airy as she and she was very thorough in her labor. When Cas and Claire return back inside, they are both stained with soil and Dean just loves the scent of it on Cas (for reasons unknown) and loves to wash it off his skin as well but he has to fight the temptation as Cas laughs, kisses him and pushes him gently away as he washes Claire clean first – and  _maybe_ , after that, when he is taking a shower himself, Dean is allowed to join in. If he is a really good boy and dries Claire first.

 

In November they decide to go to the beach and both Cas and Dean think it's a wonderful idea to take Claire with them (and they're going to regret it later, but they still agree it was a good idea) and so they drive to the East Coast, hours and hours riding Impala in the almost empty highways (it's chilly and Cas is wearing a silly, rainbow-striped jumper and Dean isn't going to laugh, Cas will get mad and he has promised to hide it under his jacket when they arrive to the beach – and it's kind of their inside joke as well). Dean opens some windows for Claire in the backseat and she tucks her head out, ears flapping and cheeks bulging from the air current and Cas laughs, head tilted back. Dean gives them a quick smile and reminds Cas to make sure Claire doesn't get her head cut off.

 

They stop twice, to get coffee and walk Claire around a bit. At the gas station, when Cas is standing in line in the café, Dean wanders around with Claire in a loose leash and he notices a little boy standing next to a red Toyota, staring at the dog with shy yet curious eyes while his parents fight about something, still sitting in the car and making angry faces at each other (which brings back memories). When the boy realizes Dean is watching him, he blushes and pretends to look something else entirely. That makes Dean smile, that's exactly how Sam used to react to things he wanted wouldn't probably get, and he approaches the boy and now that Claire notices him as well, she starts wagging her tail lazily (because children are the second best thing after apples).

The boy, after noticing that the tall man and his old dog aren't annoyed by his attention, closes the distance between them with long steps and concentrates on the dog, glancing timidly at Dean (because he's very threatening and big-brother-looking with his devilishly pretty face and the cool leather jacket) and asks quietly:

”Can I pet her?”

”Yeah, go ahead. Claire loves children”, Dean encourages him and the boy smiles, he can't be more than 12 years old and he really reminds Dean of young Sammy. Claire doesn't give a rat's ass about his nostalgious thoughts and sits down and enjoys the attention she gets. They stay like that about 10 minutes before the boy's parents realize their son has gone somewhere and they apologize Dean for the trouble, ” _he's so curious, I'm so sorry_ ” and Dean waves it off.

”It doesn't matter. I don't think Claire minds good kids.” And the little boy is secretly smiling while his mother drags him with her.

Then Cas comes back with two coffees and sandwiches and they move on.

 

The beach is almost deserted. The wind is cold and biting and throws sand everywhere but it doesn't slow them down, not Claire at least. The Atlantic Ocean is nearly storming in the open sea.

Cas wraps the jacket tighter around him as Dean is locking Impala's doors and Claire, who didn't even bother to wait 'till she was leashed, is running to the sea and starts barking mindlessly at the seagulls.

”What is she doing?” Dean asks behind him and Cas shrugs. They look at the dog rolling in the sand and they're both thinking about trying to wash away all that sand (which is going to be an impossible task).

”All fine?”

”Yeah”, Cas nods and Dean takes his hand (Cas can't help but look around quickly) and they follow the golden mess of a dog who is now chasing after sea birds. Dean could swear the birds are making fun of Claire.

 

On Christmas Cas makes him and Dean wear matching jumpers and Claire eats their turkey while they are making out on the couch. She gets an awful bellyache the next day and an equally awful diarrhea the day after. Dean threatens he's going to move to Sam's but helps with cleaning anyway.

 

So Claire loves her humans and her humans love her. All is well.

 

*

 

In February Claire has another heart attack and the vet says she might not live another night.

 

Amelia is wringing her hands, the young man's expression is filled with brutal, raw sorrow and she  _hates_  these kind of news, she _hates_  it when she can do just so much and she still marvels the amount of love these animals receive from their owners.

She knows. She has a dog.

”There's not much we can do. The risk of another heart attack is too big, we have to keep her here. Her heart is at its verge and... Claire is  _old_.” Amelia has practiced the speech  all the emphatic expressions, the tone and volume of her voice and she can feel it all crumbling down because  _look at his face_. ”You may have to consider putting her to sleep.”

She apologizes and leaves the room when a car crash-survivor, a shocked, hysteric cat, is brought to their ”ER”.

 

Cas is pale and his hands are shaking,  _fucking nerves_  and he never swears. He goes back to Dean, Dean doesn't even have to ask and his mouth falls open a bit, like he is going to say something but can't, the sorrow is heavy and heart aches. There may be tears in Dean's eyes and Cas knows he  _cares_  because Dean Winchester doesn't cry in front of people and Cas hops the last steps to his arms and they close each other into a tight embrace.

”They said her heart is giving up”, Cas mumbles to Dean's neck. ”And we have to consider ' _putting her to sleep_ '.” Dean kisses his hair and smooths his back and sniffs awkwardly.

”Okay.”

That's probably the most understandable sentence in his head.

”What do you think?”

As said, most understandable sentence in his head.

”I don't know. I - ”, tears are burning his eyes and he has to bite his lower lip to hold himself together.  _It's just a dog for god's sake_  but he knows she's not.

”Not yet.”

”Yeah.” Cas sighs. ”Not yet.”

 

Some moments have the sensation of goodbye.

Cas and Dean have talked about it, how Dean's father suddenly told his boys he loves them before he drove a car crash and how Michael got to the hospital just in time to see his just born Samandriel-brother and fell then in stairs and died.

And they remember another goodbye, from a week ago, when they were at breakfast, Dean sipping coffee and reading the news, Cas just staring out of the window. Saturday morning, 11 a.m. and they had overslept a bit, so they were still half-awake and dizzy. Dean could barely function the sportscast and Cas couldn't function anything except the coffee in front of him he should've been drinking fifteen minutes ago.

Claire, who had grown tired and lazy over the winter, was awfully quiet in the outer hall. She had refused to sleep in her usual place, at the foot of their bed, and slept there instead. Cas raised eyebrows in his thoughts.

”Have you seen Claire this morning?”

Dean's confused face peeking behind the news paper answered him enough.

 

They heard cheerful padding and Claire appeared to the door frame  wagging her tail and heaving lightly. Dean's expression melted immediately to a fond smile that tickled Cas' belly a bit.

”Well good morning to you, too”, he greeted the dog who barked back at him and Cas laughed.

”How about we go to the park today?” he suggested and Dean nodded.

”Let me shower first.”

”You can shower with me.”

”Not when she's hearing!” Dean scolded him a glint in his eye as Cas stood up and dragged him to the bathroom.

”She's almost deaf, don't worry.”

It took a while before they were ready to leave.

 

How to describe it?

She was full of energy. Like all the sleeping had scared the exhaustion away, the pain and sorrow that had darkened her eyes day by day; all gone. Bouncing back and forth on the road to the park, the snow under trees whirling after her, frostbites nibbling Dean and Cas' cheeks – all the worries and weight of the years were lifted on their shoulders, their world was at rest and Claire was smiling.

Dogs don't smile. But her own way, Cas was sure, she was smiling, encouraging,  _come play with me!_

And what could they do but follow?

 

Some cheesy love song is playing on the radio and Dean brings him coffee. The vets are busy with a car accident that involved an unusual amount of animals, trying to save everyone they can, and the clinic is quite small after all. They don't have all the time and Cas understands. More time is always welcome in times like this. Time to delay the inevitable.

”I was thinking...” Dean is the first to break silence as he sits next to Cas. ”Maybe we should take her home, if it's okay.” He sighs and takes Cas' hand. ”If it's okay, I'd want Claire to die at home.”

They sit quietly together under the fluorescent lamps in the white hallway of the clinique, just like they sat back then, holding hands and staring away from each other.

”Me too.”

Cas turns to look at Dean, Dean kisses his cheek; it's hard to speak so kissing is just fine.

”I'll go ask the vet”, Cas says then and stands up, leaves, is gone.

 

The sun was shining that day and it hadn't snowed at night.

Cas let Claire free and she loped cheerfully in the snow that came up to her belly (she had totally ignored the path which Dean and Cas preferred over cold and wet shoes) and she rolled in the deep snow, throwing it up in the air and sneezed when got the cold snowflakes in her snout.

”Well at least someone is awake today”, Dean laughed and Cas smirked.

”You were perfectly awake ten minutes ago in my pants.”

”Mind your language. And you never had any pants”, and next thing Cas noticed was snow melting down his neck and even though they were a bit too old for snowball fight, they started one anyway.

Claire thought it would be fun to join in and when Dean the least expected it (he ducked just in time to avoid getting hit) she jumped on him and he fell in the snow face first. Cas couldn't stop laughing for ten minutes and promised to buy them hot chocolate in return. Claire decided to pretend being deaf again and she ran away two times when she saw an imaginary bird or squirrel somewhere.

 

Drinking the hot chocolate, Cas and Dean looked after Claire dancing in the snow and Cas felt how Dean sneaked a hand around his waist and pulled him slightly closer. And then they just stood there, together, watching Claire who was playing in the snow like a puppy and then the feeling hit, that deep and bittersweet feeling of  _goodbye_. It was hard to breathe and Dean and Cas glanced each other.

Claire turned her back to them and wagged her tail to someone they couldn't see.

 

*

 

”We gave her pain killers to help the transport.” Amelia's smile is exhausted. She pets Claire's head and steps away as Dean closes the back door of the Impala.

”We can't thank you enough.”

”Just gimme a call when... When it's over.”

Cas smiles to Amelia and shakes her hand but Amelia grabs him to a hug.

”Everything good for you. All of you.”

”Thank you Amelia.” Dean's voice is hoarse. She hugs him as well and has to fight her tears – maybe she's too emphatic  Perhaps. She doesn't care to find out.

”Drive safe.”

”We will.” An encouraging smile (is that poor boy  _comforting_  her?) and they leave. Amelia stands in the empty parking lot for a while, breathes and goes in. There's still work to do.

 

They sit on the couch and watch TV, Dean, Cas and Claire.

Claire's head rests on Dean's lap and she finally gets to sleep on Cas'. Cas isn't even sure what is going in the TV, it's some movie about kids who fall in love and it's just as stupid as romantic comedies tend to be. It's not important.  _Ignore that_.

”Do you remember how Claire hated the couch pillows Anna gave us?”

Cas is startled by Dean's sudden question.

”Sorry, what?”

”Do you remember those pillows? Claire ripped them apart.”

”And the filling was all over the living room? Yes I do.”

”They weren't that pretty. She has a good taste.”

”And Anna a sense of humor, let's be thankful of that.”

Dean seems satisfied when the conversation brings a faint smile on Cas' lips.

”Wonder why she loved the green apples so much?”

”I like green apples.”

”Really? I thought you bought them for Claire.”

”I don't eat dog food.”

”Apples aren't – whatever.”

”What?”

”Nothing.”

 

”She's quite special isn't she?” There's something fond and tender in Dean's voice as he smoothes Claire's golden fur and tickles her paws. Cas doesn't say anything and rest his head on Dean's shoulder and Dean leans his head against Cas'.

”That goes without saying.”

”I love you. And Claire.”

”I love you too. And Claire.”

Their little family of two men and a dog, built around an old sofa and TV, bedroom and a park. Two men, ridiculously in love, who met by a dog who loved them with all her dog heart as well and it's absurd how perfectly it has come all together.

She isn't just any dog. Claire was a dog that made a family. She was with Cas when he was the loneliest man on the planet and she was with Cas when he met Dean and she was with them in their small home and shared the same bed with them (except when Cas and Dean had something else than sleeping in mind). She was... She was like the heart of this family. And family doesn't end with blood.

 

”Remember the trip to the beach?”

”It was cold. And windy.”

”The seagulls were mean to Claire.”

”She was chasing after them.”

”That's kinda her job. She's a  _dog_.”

”That kid really liked her.”

”He was a nice kid.”

”Claire likes children. Like, uh, Mary.”

”Who doesn't like Mary? She's sweet.”

”I think we met like that - ?”

”...Yeah. In the park, was it summer?”

”Crazy.”

”It is. Do you remember what Gabe said when we moved together?”

”Uh... No.”

”Me neither.”

 

It's been hours and when Cas wakes up, Dean is still sleeping next to him and Claire has disappeared somewhere. He frowns and yawns then, it's way too early to wake up now but he has to find Claire in case she needs to go out and if she's okay in general. Dean looks peaceful as he sleeps and Cas smiles, gives him a kiss to forehead and stands up, stretching.

The apartment is still dark, living room bathing in the blue light of the TV screen and Cas tiptoes to the bedroom, Claire isn't there and he frowns again,  _where is she_ , because this isn't like her at all. She isn't in the outer hall either and when she isn't even in the bathroom, Cas starts to worry.

”Claire?” he calls quietly but, well, she's half-deaf so she won't hear it at all. Cas' heart is pounding, it's not like the dog can open the door and disappear but  _where is she hiding_ , and more importantly,  _why_?

Dean seems to be waking up on the couch, he's mumbling something and then he opens his eyes and looks at Cas.

”What?”

”I can't find Claire.”

 

_The old lady gave Cas some photographs of Claire as a puppy._

” _She was so lively! Biting my toes and furniture all the time and oh how she loved_ swimming _, it was her favorite hobby. She doesn't swim anymore, I don't know why... But Claire has a big and warm heart. Whenever you feel sad, there she comes already, tail wagging_ just like that, good girl  _and smiling like sun is shining inside. She just knows. She's a good dog. Please take care of her, Mr. Novak.” Her tanned skin is wrinkly and she looks tired but happy. ”She's a very special girl, you know that? I can't tell for sure but I have a feeling she just might change your life.” She laughs and pets Claire's head and the dog is studying Cas with her brown, deep eyes. Cas feels a bit uncomfortable but then the feeling goes away and is replaced with confusion and joy._

” _She just might.”_

 

”Found her!”

”Where?” Cas rushes to the bedroom and Dean is kneeling next to the bed.

”Under here.”

Cas kneels down beside Dean and peeks under the bed – and yes, he can see the golden fur and it's Claire, who else.

”Claire! Come on, what are you doing under the bed?”

The dog stays still.

”Cas...”

”Claire?”

 

And Claire loves her humans and her humans love her. All is well.

 

\- fin

**Author's Note:**

> The worst thing about being a writer is that you occasionally have to kill dogs and it sucks, I know.  
> Sometimes pets go somewhere to hide and die there.
> 
> I tried to be very sneaky and symbolic but I'm crappy at that so to you who are wondering: recycling is a metaphor for loneliness. It's very important to recycle but when you're really into something and everything is happening, you kind of forget the whole climate thing and give up.  
> Another note, about Claire: I tried to write this fic kind of from her point of view. I wanted to keep her a bit, uh, not dumb but simple and kind of human but on the other hand I tried to keep it realistic, for example dog not understanding a shit from what you say (they just know).
> 
> ♥ Kudos and especially comments are highly appreciated ♥


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